My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
