I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
