im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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