It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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