Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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