Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
