I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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