um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Banned from zoo.
Again?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
