wrigley field is MILF paradise
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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