You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
