FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
