Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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