Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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