Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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