i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
