why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
