i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
