Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
