the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
