Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
