the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
