Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We left the knife in your bed.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
