I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
