she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
How's work?
Spinning.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
