mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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