dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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