do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
