my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
