He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
