Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
