My balls are so social today.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
