I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
