we made out on top of his cat.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
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Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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