Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
