Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
