you're like a bully in the Christmas story
it hurts more in the daytime
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
