He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
