TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she peed on how many people?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
