you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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