Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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