I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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