he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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