nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
