Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
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No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize