This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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