You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
