at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
