i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
