My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
