paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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