I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
