I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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