hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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