We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
