I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
