I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Houston, we have a squirter
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
