I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
