I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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