Have you finally orgasmed yet?
People in love make me want to vomit
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
